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 Today in Hollywood, the RIAA and the MPAA announced the formation of a Joint Task Force to fight the scourge of piracy. The "Special Weapons Against Sharing Technologies, Installations, Knowledge, and Applications", or SWASTIKA, will be used to find Internet pirates and bring them to justice.
Jack Valenti, president of the MPAA, hailed the creation as "a step in the right direction". When questioned about the powers SWASTIKA will have, and the presence of the word 'Weapons' in the name of the Task Force, Valenti stated "SWASTIKA was formed under the auspices of Orrin Hatch and John Ashcroft. It is made up of the finest ex-Russian commandos, and ex-East German Stasi Secret Police enforcers. These fine men and women have the authority to enter the houses of suspected copyright terrorists, search through their personal belongings, take their computer, and arrest them on the spot for their crimes." Valenti went on to say that any evidence of any other crimes will duly be handed over to the Justice Department once SWASTIKA is done with the suspects.
When questioned by civil libertarians about the legality of this move, Hilary Rosen from the RIAA stated "Sen. Hatch had an amendment passed through Congress making all of this perfectly legal." Said amendment was attached to a bill providing subsidies to hog farmers in Pigs Knuckle, AK, and was voted on without debate on midnight the day before Congress retired for the session. President Bush was on hand at the Capitol to sign the bill into law right away.
Reactions from musicians and actors has been mixed. Several bands, including Radiohead decried the move saying it was "just another way the fans get screwed", but veteran rock musicians Metallica praised the new law, and the task force saying "This is fantastic, and we support SWASTIKA all the way. We even started work on making a theme song for them. We're very excited, and Lars has already looked into getting us allowed to go on some raids."
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Editor's note: If you haven't caught on that this was merely a joke, I think Metallica is knocking at your door right now.
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