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Director: Oliver Stone
Release Date: November 24th, 2004
Rating: R (for violence and some sexuality/nudity)
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I went into this movie with extremely low expectations. Virtually every critic that I respected gave the movie a horrible review, but for some reason, my wife and I had determined it was time to spend some money on a potentially crappy movie.
Mission accomplished.
From the very beginning, we are taken through a series of historical events while staring at an old-world style map. Anthony Hopkins uses his eloquent, soothing voice that could woo the youngest of girls, to walk us through the conquests of Alexander. This narration continues from the map to Hopkins himself walking around in a toga with several scribes viciously scratching away with their feather-tip pens.
Don't worry though, because this part only last about twenty minutes. The next scene is much worse. We get to see young Alexander wrestling with some fellow boys and then sitting in a class to learn about the world. The boys in this scene rival such bad actors as that snot-nosed punk that played Charlie in the original Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. Remember how annoying that kid was? He grew up and bred.
Alexander becomes king of Macedonia despite the attempts to stop him by his racist father. After conquering 90% of the known world by the age of 25, the meat of the film is spent on the eight years that Alexander led his armies through 22,000 miles of battles all the way to India. The movie comes to a climax as Alexander confronts a tired army on the brink of desertion. This is the most powerful scene and only one worth noting as it did inspire me for a brief five minutes.
The sub-plots include Alexander's love affairs with other men and his struggle to fight his troops' discrimination against the people of the conquered lands. This includes plenty of nudity and yelling matches.
While the battle scenes definitely meet up to Hollywood's standards and offer some amazing special effects, the movie offers very little after that. Colin Farwell's portrayal of Alexander is a weak one.
I have no clue as to which parts of the movie are completely incorrect or just speculation, but given that it's an Oliver Stone film, there will definitely be some history rewriting. Sadly, this movie did not inspire me to do more research as to what was real and what wasn't.
I'll just go throughout my whole life believing that Alexander was a bi-sexual, non-racist madman.
If you're looking for cool battle scenes in which new levels are violence are reached, you might enjoy this movie. The horses and elephants are not off limits it when comes to hacking off limbs. But I would suggest having a remote with a fast-forward button handy.
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