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Director: Terrence Malick
Release Date: January 13th, 2006
Rating: PG-13 (for some intense battle sequences)
See it on Amazon
 It's not that hard to make a movie that is entertaining. People make movies with handheld camcorders that can hold my attention.
Terrence Malick was given top-notch actors, 30 million bucks, and one of the greatest stories from the past 500 years. He put all that together to direct one of the most atrocious movies I have ever been stupid enough to sit through.
The New World wasn't as bad as Master of Disguise, but it wasn't as good as Pumpkin Head 2.
The story of Pocahontas was butchered before back in the early 90's by Disney. They made her into a singing, environmentalist and thus a political statement. Terrence Malick obviously set out with the goal of outdoing Disney.
It's hard to say this is a crappy movie. A movie usually has key things like a plot. The New World is two and a half hours of choppy montages to the tune of slowly read poems. The poems are reminiscent of The Thin Red Line (another Malick film), only worse.
"I love her." Pause for five seconds. "She loves me." Pause for five seconds. "We are in love." Meanwhile montages are showing two people staring at each other, an eagle flying through the air, and random Indian kids chasing each other.
The chopping is unbearable. Serious effort must be put forth by the viewer to figure out what is flashback, a dream sequence, and what is currently happening in the "storyline". Scenes are just strung together with no clear transition.
This goes on for two and a half hours.
Don't get me wrong. There is some dialogue, but it's only filler until we get to the next slow, choppy montage. Montages are supposed to be filler between storyline, not the other way around.
But let's not forget the beautiful scenery of pre-white America and the authentic costumes. The scenery is freaking Virginia and costumes stopped being impressive over a decade ago.
There is one battle scene, if you can even call it that. Some Indians and some Englishmen toss each other around while the cameraman turns away from every instance of contact. There is no blood and the fakeness is prevalent.
The "Colin Farrell" look
Colin Farrell didn't let me down though. He managed to keep that same damned look he's had in every movie he's ever acted. Just picture an emotional kid was told that his favorite gerbil had committed suicide by jumping in a garbage disposal.
That's the "Colin Farrell" look.
Pocahontas be damned
I've read about the real Pocahontas. Her story is fascinating and tragic, but no one would realize that from this movie. All key points and dramatic situations are lost in the montages or just ignored completely.
This movie strikes no passion or emotion. It's boring. There is no attachment to the characters.
Having sat through two and half hours of this piece of crap has made me realize that a movie about two queer cowboys making out might be tolerable.
Related links
The New World (Official website)
The New World box office stats
As of January 22, 2006, the movie had grossed 1.2 million. I hope that the movie tanks and Malick writes a poem about his latest failure. |
